After having my first child, wonderful friends and family members descended upon my house in droves, bearing baby gifts and food and well wishes. “Let me know if you need anything,” they would say as they flew out the door, back to their own lives and commitments.   

At age 40, I wasn’t very good at admitting that I needed things from others. I had worked in all kinds of pressure-cooker environments in my professional life, so why would managing life at home with a tiny human be difficult? This would be a piece of cake, I thought. Surely, maternity leave would be the sabbatical I had always dreamed of!

I had no idea.

Let me repeat: I had no idea…what I was doing.

Caring for Jacob in those first months brought up a lot of my insecurities about being a mom. I was a little isolated because my friends were all well past “the baby years” and I didn’t want to burden them with my questions and needs. More than that, I was so bone tired that most days I couldn’t even articulate what would help. Was it someone to bounce a colicky kid on the yoga ball so I could go to the bathroom? A homecooked meal? A wink of sleep? A lactation specialist, to be on hand 24-7? Someone to remind me that I was more than just a baby-feeding, diaper-changing machine? All of the above?

Thinking about that tender time, I am reminded that I feel vulnerable admitting that I don’t “have it all together” and that I do need things from others. I also find it hard to ask others what they need in an open-ended sort of way, without knowing how they will respond. How will it be perceived if I am not able to follow through?

I wonder, how is it for you? When do you find it difficult to ask for what you need? When do find it difficult to ask others what they need?

We all need one another, so let’s talk some more about how we can give and receive in honest and loving ways.

Pastor Kristin Dybdal